one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
