and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
