I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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