Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
