ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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