I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
