Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
