2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
