you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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