I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
