Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
