i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
