So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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