he wants to bone in the snuggie
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize