All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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