Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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