dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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