Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
