I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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