Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
