this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I love you. Go after that dick
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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