apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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