dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
