Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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