i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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