I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
