So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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