I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
