get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
