Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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