It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
