I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
