Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
