I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize