youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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