Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We got so high we made milksteak
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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