Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
