another moral hangover. fuck.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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