I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
