Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
