Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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