Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
