9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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