Me. At least after what I've been through.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
