we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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