I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
