Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
