we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have feelings that need drinking.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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