Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
