Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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