i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
