Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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