he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
