you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize