Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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