Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
