if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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