but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
