She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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