if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
