Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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