so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Its about making memories worth repressing
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
