we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
