Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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