She announced her abortion via fbk
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
