The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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