if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
