I wish my penis had an off switch
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
