If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
