she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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