i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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