dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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