i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
