What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Everything about him screamed your future.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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