I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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