So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize