Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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