My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
