It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
