he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
