The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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