Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
