I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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