I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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