I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
