i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
