When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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