im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Text me some of your sweat
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
