I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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