my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
People in love make me want to vomit
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
