wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
