I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
