It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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