Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
