By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
