Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
