i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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